Dear husband,
17 years knowing each other. 15 years as a couple. 8 years married. 2 years (in 3 days) of being first-time parents…. feels like a lifetime of experiences.
I have been with you for almost half the time I have been alive.
Read about the evolution of our love here.
We have been through things that have tested us greatly. There were times I was sure we wouldn’t make it. But you have always fought for us even when I had no strength or will to fight. Even when I was fighting myself.
I used to think you were perfect. That one day, you would wake up and realise that I wasn’t the one for you. What a weird thing to think given that you were my stalker in the beginning. 😄
Marriage was an eye-opener for both of us. A new, exciting adventure that showed us things we didn’t even realize about ourselves.
But in the back of my mind, I was scared to be too happy, scared that the other shoe would drop at any moment. Kudos to you for being patient when I would go down spirals, pushing you away when I really wanted to draw you nearer. 😕
A New Challenge
Becoming parents was a brand new challenge for us. It brought out the good, the bad and the ugly in both of us at times. It was no longer just the two of us, but another human being we were responsible for. Another set of needs that had to come before each other’s. It was beautiful but difficult too.
I wasn’t much of a wife in the first few months and you didn’t understand all my struggles as a new mom. I channelled most of my energy into caring for our baby girl. She was very demanding and with you gone for days at a time because of your job, I had to figure out how to not need you. I never imagined it would affect you in the way it did. You were always such a calm and a go-with-the-flow guy. It seemed as though we both started taking each other for granted.
We had some challenging days…
We were dealing with issues that seemed new but were really just under the surface. We did and said things that hurt each other. I became resentful. You missed your wife but were afraid to tell me how selfish you were feeling.
We had some good days…
We watched our daughter grow, say her first words including “dada” (so unfair), take her first steps. We had days and nights where we would talk for hours trying to dissect our feelings…trying to understand each other more. We had days when we were like best friends again.
It would still take some time for us to figure out our new normal as a couple. For us to get back to a completely open and vulnerable place with each other. A place, I would admit, I wasn’t sure we could get back to.
Alas, we started having better days…
They say time heals all wounds and I really do believe that. But it took more than just time.
It took communication, compassion and understanding. It took being intentional about making the other feel appreciated. It took us FULLY understanding our hang-ups. It was hard but necessary.
We are in such a different place now. We have evolved so much in the last 2 years, and I look back and am grateful. We needed those hard times…to become better parents to our daughter, to become better spouses for each other and to become better versions of ourselves FOR ourselves.
Now, I appreciate you so much more than you can even imagine. You’re definitely not perfect and I’m not either. I’m also pretty sure we are going to fall out over doubles again sometime in the future.
But we said those vows and I am more motivated to keep them…
For better or for worse…
For richer or for poorer…
In sickness and in health…
To love and to cherish, till death do us part…
Those vows we said as a naïve couple thinking marriage would lighten all our baggage seem so real now.
A New Metal
As seen in this post on traditional wedding anniversary gifts by year, the 8th year is represented by bronze. Bronze is a blend of copper and tin. The post says “Copper represents luck and tin represents durability. Both copper and tin are not as strong as bronze, but when blended together, they form a stronger substance. Just like your marriage.” That resonates so strongly with me today. Our metal was tested to form a stronger metal.
So for our 8th wedding anniversary, I wanted to pen you this small letter (i.e. type this blog post. Lol). I had planned to even before your whole thing a few days ago about you buying that notebook for us to write to each other and I never did (and that we used to write to each other all the time yada yada yada…).
Here’s to 8 years and to 80 more! Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for being open and honest with me. Thank you for helping me bring this beautiful tiny human into this world. Thank you for supporting my dreams and working hard towards the ones we have for our family.
Life will not always be easy but I promise to fight with you every step of the way. I mean alongside you and not about doubles…
I love you, dear husband…
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